Success and Gratification

I have been pondering on the meaning of the term “successful” and why we use it to define the worth of our lives. Most people measure their success through comparisons to others, and most Americans seem to define their success through their work. Through this view, one can only be successful in the eyes of others, one is not intrinsically successful. A feeling of self-gratification will never be deeply felt in the depths of the self, if it is reliant upon others.

This shallow view of “success” is irrelevant to a life well lived. The essence that constitutes a beautiful life to me is the discovering of a divine and universal love, for everything, and extending this feeling of love into everything we do. As I heard in a talk by Julia Butterfly Hill, we need to “fall madly in love with the world”.

The most divine feelings of happiness that I have felt have occurred deep within me. They occur in the place that I call my heart, my center, my life-blood; some may call it a soul. These pure moments of happiness do not involve others, though my most beloved family or friends may surround me. No, these genuine moments of happiness, of divine light, are mine and mine alone, and try as I might it seems that I will never be able to express this feeling to others through mere words. And I believe that everyone has these moments of divine realization and connection with the whole, sometimes it is just hard to stop and appreciate these fleeting moments. We are “beings” and all of us need to take time by ourselves to check in with our being.

So if success means to be happy, then why do most of us seem to be basing our self worth on other people’s opinions? At the end of the day it will always just be you, and whether you can proudly face yourself in the mirror is a reflection of how you lead your life.

A big part in the growing up process seems to be figuring out what kind of experiences brings joy, a deeply felt, gratifying, and lasting joy. As human beings I think that we have an intrinsic need and drive to create, to bring things and ideas into existence. I am not just talking about being an artist in the traditional sense. Personally, I am not inclined towards producing beautiful or provocative works of art or song, but as I grow up I am finding my own means of creating. I am finding that I receive deep humbling joy out of gardening, for it means to me the creating and nurturing of life. I find this same joy in cooking from fresh ingredients, and I have also recently taken up the practice of baking my own bread. Though it takes a much longer time and greater effort than buying a loaf at the market, I derive great satisfaction through the process, and the bread tastes so much more nourishing coming straight out of my oven. I feel a strong pull to create wholesome food, out of love, that I can share with those around me. I feel that I have become a more complete being, now that I have discovered this form of creativity. Bringing new thoughts, ideas, and community into existence is another powerful form of creativity.

There are innumerable ways we can create. But, as I was told by an older artist, the creative juice is not always there. We cannot allow this to make us frustrated, however. Life seems to be an ebb and flow cycle. At one time our creativity and passion drives us to beautiful discoveries pushing us forward in a wave of human ingenuity, but that wave needs to recede at other times, the times in our life when it seems that nothing is falling perfectly into place. If we can stand back and just watch this cycle happen, appreciate the cycle for what it is, rather then letting frustration or anger consume us, we will lead more peaceful loving lives.

Besides creativity, another key to happiness in human beings is balance. Life is a constant balancing act between work, hobbies, family, friends, spirituality, creative projects, etc. When there is too much work, and not enough of the other elements we become unhappy. I think that most “successful” people have also learned to both see the big picture of things, while at the same time appreciating the little joys and quirks of life.

I think this poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson pretty much sums up my feelings on success:

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson